I first saw this shit on Jemele Hill's Facebook page a few days ago. She is amazingly good at providing the masses with high-quality examples of niggerishness. Homegirl must spend an unhealthy amount of time on those "urban media" sites.
I severely doubt this is "Da First Eva" Coon-O-Ween celebration. I can imagine this is in fact a time-honored tradition, particulary in the Southern United States.
I'm just amazed Tity Boi is not the headliner.
I'm not amazed that "Aquib [sic] Talib" is a special [invited?] guest. This is totally his scene.
[Blogger's Note: Seriously. The nigga might as well go. He ain't got a football career to worry about or anything like that.]
The first round of the 2011 DN Tournament is complete and history has been made. One of the contestants in the South region pitched the first ever DNCAA shutout!
Sheeeeeeit. Can we call this a first round bye? I expect this to be the closest thing possible. What did Timbaland even do again? Something about a watch, right? Lil' Boosie's defiant niggerishness may earn him a breeze into the final four. Lawrence Taylor and I'm Selling Pussy may have something to say about that, but wake me up when they do. Who's really fucking with the child soldier proprietor who finds a need to flash a broach for cameras he probably shouldn't have while his entire legal and personal world crumbles around him.
Not like this is news to any of you, but I'll post this as a matter of formality as we proceed... to give you what you need. '95, motherfuckers. Get live, motherfuckers. DN motherfuckers. DN motherfuckers.
#1 T.I. (80.2%) def. #8 Lil' Wayne (19.2%)
#5 Wyclef Jean (60.0%) def. #4 G. Dep (40.0%)
#6 Kat Stacks (60.0%) def. #3 Tameka "Tiny" Cottle (40.0%)
#7 Lil' B (60.0%) def. #2 DMX (40.0%)
Surely there are no more perfect brackets. Mine busted with Kat Stacks.
Both rap superstars have spent much of 2010 in the cooler due to horrible decision-making and high-fructose corn syrup after-effects. Wayne still looks like he's fucking with that Big Moe. Tip will never straighten out his life, no matter how many MTV specials we give him. Who's the dumber nigga?
What do you get the mane who has everythang? You get him a face tattoo with the most "brrr" item he can think of, obviously. While Gucci done gone and got himself popped repeatedly [as usual], fought with police like Kunta did the slave catchers and tattooed Ben & Jerry Bezzle Blast on his face, Geto Boys frontman Scarface is currently sitting in the cooler for back child support. This can't be life, can it? Who's a dumber nigga, Gucci or the last of a deadbeat breed?
Somewhere out in Wis-can't-sin T-Pain is counting his earnings from the extra niggerish Toshiba laptop commercial that has become more prevalent than any of his music. Speaking of music, T-Pain "threatened" his "fans" by saying he would be on an indefinite strike from releasing music until record sales improved worldwide. Petey Pablo just tried to sneak a loaded handgun onto a commercial flight. No biggie, right? According to Julie, that's the done thing in the South. Petey probably had no idea he was in the wrong. You can't expect better behavior from a nigga high off of Fayetteville's finest schwag on his way to a sold-out arena. Okay, that last part was not necessary. We all know Petey Pablo couldn't sell out his Auntie Pablo's living room at Easter dinner.
It's Boom Bye Bye for the Grammy Award-winning rasta crack gurgler, as Buju Banton chose to go with the "We were only joking" defense in his felony cocaine trial. Banton insisted that he was only talking tough when he sampled and promised to purchase 5 kilograms of that DG Yola Champagne. Bishop Eddie Long is a play-in contender with VCU-like prospects this year. As I mentioned on last week's episode of RMC, Caddilac Kimberly said all that needs to be uttered about Fast Eddie, who allegedly has been sexing and exploiting the young mens in his flock. Cross it up, indeed.
Lohan has become "Lindsay," earning her mononym on the heels of a 2010 that saw the former teen star spend more time in court than Judge Mathis. Between the drugs, jacking, general outburst of ridiculous and complete disregard for responsibility Lindsay is on her way to losing her white privilege altogether--rendering her a dumb nigga. LeBron James took his talents to South Beach in a way that devastated his personal brand, turning the ringless king into everyone's least favorite NBA player. You know shit is bad when you dip below Kobe in approval rating. Did it have to be this way, 'Bron?
Voting ends Wednesday, April 13th at 3:00AM EST. Choose carefully. May the best DN win.
Mixtape/album. A project that blurs the line between the two entities. There are both positive and negative examples of these. Most negative examples are packaged and sold by Amalbum Digital, baby!
Whoonery (n.) -
White coonery.
Negromantic (adj.) -
Stereotypically negrous love story. Romantic scenario manufactured for black entertainment. [See: Negromatic Comedy (genre)]
Urban (n.) -
Negrous in nature. Of or pertaining to Negro culture. Used in popular media to describe black shit without saying "black shit."
Mulletor (n.) -
1. One who wears a mullet. 2. One of hillbilly descent. (pron.: "Skeletor")
Bermuda Triangle-esque region on back where hands are unable to reach for lotion application (variable).
Cropdusting (v.) -
Blunt augmentation via foreign substances, usually of the opiate orientation. (See: MTW)
Coonery (n.) -
Coon-like behavior. Anything associated with the Flavor of Love franchise. Farnsworth Bentley's day job.
SDN (n.) -
Smart Dumb Nigga. (See: Katt Williams, The Pimp Chronicles Vol. 1; Ghostface, The World According to Pretty Toney) (abbr.)
MTW (n., adj.) -
More Than Weed. Laced greenery (i.e.: Woolahs). (PSA: Don't hit the blunt if you don't know/trust whoever rolled it, children.)
Whitney Diet (n.) -
Cocaine in a can, baby!
Touchdown (n.) -
A nigga that ain't all the way retarded, but just got a touch of Down's [Syndrome]. (i.e. Chris Brown)
The Negro Channel (n.) -
Black Embarrassment Television (see: BET). Abbreviated as "TNC."
Snapper (n.) -
One who performs snap music. A Franchize Boy. A Soulja Boy.
NPS (n.) -
Niggas Per Sentence average. Amount of times the "n"-word is used in a single sentence.
ManBearPig (n.) -
A dangerous mythical beast spawned from the imagination of Al Gore. A nickname for Tiffany "New York" Pollard's mother, Sister Patterson.
CB4 (n.) -
Cock Block [Level] 4. A nickname for Tiffany "New York" Pollard.
Cank Stoochie (n.) -
Nether-regions in dire need of hygienic attention. Nappy minor-league dugout. (see: Flavor of Love)
Blented (adj.) -
Blunted + Bent. Twisted. Slizzard.
Blent (n.) -
Black Lent. Ron Mexico's unofficial 40-day period of reflection and lament spanning from Dr. Martin Luther King, jr. Day through the end of short-ass Black History Month.
BDP (n.) -
Black Diabetes Pandemic. Kool-Aid induced-suffering. The reason Big Mama lost her leg. The new Black Plague.
Niggaball (n.) -
A sport likening basketball, but covered in Lawry's Seasoned Salt. AND 1 Mixtape Tour. Basketball-esque performance sorely lacking in fundamental skills. (see: Philip "Hot Sauce" Champion)
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